Misunderstood
by datawolf39
Summary: Sherlock has a worry. John clears up something that Sherlock misunderstands. T for safety.


**A/N Sorry for the title. i swear coming up with titles is harder than writing a story sometimes. anyway a little story that came out of nowhere. Enjoy!**

The moment that John walked in the door after returning from a very long shift at the Surgery all he wanted to do was crawl in his bed and sleep for a year. He had ingested so many cups of coffee and tea to stay awake and alert that the crash resulting from it was spectacular. Quite frankly he was pleased to have even made it back to Baker Street and if his fuzzy memory was anything to go by he owed a 'thank you' to Mycroft for that which he would do the moment he had the energy to lift a phone. With wobbly steps he made it to the sofa and was asleep before he even realized it.

Sherlock had been in his room when John had walked into the flat. When he had heard the door he had jumped up and went to the sitting room only to find that his partner was fast asleep on the sofa. Sherlock grinned for a moment as he walked over to John. With a gentleness that most would never imagine that he could possess he ran a few fingers through John's blond-gray hair.

John shifted as he slept pushing himself toward Sherlock.

This small act made Sherlock smile more but underneath that smile was nervousness and if he was honest he was a little scared. This might be the last time that he would be allowed to touch John in this manner because he had done something that might end up being a deal breaker for John.

Without his consent his mind rewound to the day that he and John had changed the relationship that they had.

It was a cold day and quite fittingly they were on a case. It was a seemingly simple robbery gone wrong at first but then Sherlock had discovered that murder had been the true objective. It was _John_ that had given him the vital clue though and he had a new found appreciation for his partner. Sherlock remembered the smile that had lit up John's face when _he_ was the one that had uttered an astonished 'amazing'.

After that they had chased down the criminal and high on adrenaline Sherlock had kissed John. After that they had returned home and life had went on as usual except there was a long snogging session before bed that night.

That had been two weeks ago and they had done nothing more than snog. At first this was fine for Sherlock but after a little while he began to worry that John did not want to go further because he couldn't hop that last fence. That the heterosexuality was so ground into the man that he couldn't do it. It was either that or the fact that he was ashamed of what they had become and just didn't know how to tell Sherlock that.

But he didn't have to worry about the reason for much longer because when John had had learned what he had done it wouldn't matter the reason because John would be gone and he would be back to that lonely existence that was his life before John.

Sherlock sighed.

John cracked open an eye. "Sherlock," he croaked out hoarsely.

"Go back to sleep John," Sherlock said softly.

John wanted nothing more than to do just that but he had looked at Sherlock and could see that there was something that was tormenting him. With a groan John got up and stretched. He tugged off the coat that he had fell asleep in and went to make some tea. This was looking like a conversation that he was going to have to be awake for.

Once the tea was prepared and the doctor was marginally more awake than he was before, he sat back on the sofa with his partner and after a few fortifying sips of tea he quietly waited for Sherlock to say something.

So he was caught completely off guard when Sherlock kissed him. It was a sad kiss. Slow gentle and it gave him a bad feeling.

"Sherlock, what's wrong?" he asked completely awake now because of the worry that he felt.

"John I… I may have done something that can be considered as a bit not good."

When no more words were forthcoming John asked, "Did you cheat on me?'

"Of course not!" Sherlock said outraged.

"Did you experiment on something of mine that I told you not to?"

"No."

"Did you finally give in to the temptation to kill Anderson?"

"Not yet." Sherlock said with a grin. But would that really be such a bad thing?"

"Sherlock you know I'm the sensitive and responsible one of the two of us and I have to at least _pretend_ to be upset."

Despite it all Sherlock had to laugh.

John smiled. "Now that I know that it's none of those three then can you tell me what _is_ the matter?"

"It's hard to say John." John easily heard what Sherlock had not said. 'I'm scared to say it.'

"Sherlock, I have just outlined what would make me mad at you, well except the thing with Anderson. Whatever you have to tell me I will sit here and discuss it with you. Or do you wish me to start guessing?"

"Your guesses are ridiculous john,"

"Then spill you Git."

"You see… I was on the phone with my Aunt and the conversation somehow got turned to my relationship… with you."

"Somehow I get the feeling that, that isn't what has you this worried."

"Very perceptive John." Sherlock said with an eye roll. That of course earned him a light punch to the shoulder which he rubbed for dramatic effect.

"Well when we were speaking I may have said something to the effect of..." There something was mumbled and John didn't catch it.

"Could you repeat that at a level that is audible to a human?"

"I said that I told her that we had plans to marry." Then with speed usually reserved for talking out a case he started to explain the circumstances of how this had come up.

"That's not all is it?" John asked.

Sherlock looked down. "When I was younger all of the adults liked Mycroft more than me or at least it seemed that way. The only person who favored me was my Aunt Susan. She was very strict but she was nice. She is kind of old-fashioned though. Amongst other things she believes in waiting until after marriage to engage in intercourse. I did whatever she wanted most of the time and I was no different in this. Technically I never thought I would marry. When I was a teenager I didn't really feel the urges other boys seemed to and after some research I thought that I was simply asexual and that was it. I never really looked into the matter more than that until recently." Now Sherlock looked up. "I understand if this is a problem. I won't hold it against you if you decide that this is too much or if you want to go out and find someone that you can have intercourse with."

John stood and dropped the empty cup that had held his tea. The cup landed on a pile of papers not that John noticed. He walked away from the sofa.

"John, please don't leave." Sherlock said in desperation reaching out and grabbing him.

"I'm not you idiot."

"You're mad."

"Of course I am!"

"I'm sorr-"

"Not at you!" John said in a frustrated tone. "At myself."

"I don't understand."

John sighed. "Sherlock I love you. I could never cheat on you because I know what that feels like and I could never inflict that pain on another person. I couldn't leave you either not for something like this. What has me angry is that you think I could. Have I been so bad a partner that I gave you cause to think that?"

"No. John no. that's not what I meant. It's just that I know that in your relationships sex is an important component and I don't want you to have to go without just because of me."

"Sherlock sex is just part of a relationship it's a want for me not a need. I need you I every way I can have you. Do you plan to ever have sex with me?"

"Of course but-"

"Then I see no problem. Anyway there is one activity that I find more pleasurable than a good shag." John said smiling. "But be warned it's because of sentiment."

Sherlock rolled his eyes and John grabbed his hands. Soon they were in Sherlock's bedroom and John had pushed Sherlock on the bed. After a hand motion command Sherlock laid down. John laid next to him and placed his head on Sherlock's chest near the heart. Then he pulled Sherlock's arm around himself and settled in.

"My first girlfriend." John said to Sherlock's unspoken question. "When I was younger my sister started getting into a lot of trouble and because of that nobody really had time for me. So when I got my first girlfriend she and I cuddled on the sofa and for the first time in a long while I had felt loved and important."

"But this does not replace sex John."

"Sherlock don't take this the wrong way but I don't want to have sex with you-"

If John had said anything else Sherlock had failed to hear it. He knew that he shouldn't be upset he had known that it would not last hadn't he? Good things rarely happened to him so shouldn't he be accustomed to things falling apart?

"Sherlock!" John was shaking him. He had a worried look on his face. "Why are you crying? What did I do? Answer me?"

"You said you don't want to…"

It was then that John knew what had happened. "I said that I don't want to have sex with you _yet_ you daft git? I'm not ready and I don't think you are either."

"We are both clean and healthy adults John," Sherlock said regaining his composure.

"That isn't what I meant. See I didn't know anything the first time that I had sex and I regret that. We were far too eager and we thought that we would figure out as we went on. But I could have hurt her and she could have hurt me. Luckily that didn't happen but I have seen it Sherlock. I'm a doctor and I have seen what people can do to each other when they don't know what they are doing. A lot of the time it is really bad because the person didn't speak up until it was unbearable. I could never take that kind of risk with you Sherlock. I won't allow the blind to lead the blind. I want to be ready and know what the limits are. Can you live with that?"

For a moment there was silence and then John felt Sherlock pull him closer. There was no need for words. John smiled. He was warm, happy, and quite stupidly in love.

"John about getting married-" Sherlock started it was then that he realized that John had fallen asleep. It was only then that Sherlock remembered what John had been doing prior to the conversation. It was surprising that John had been able to remain awake for as long as he had. The conversation about the future could wait a little while.

With that thought Sherlock snuggled in close and fell asleep.


End file.
